Another Truth

I have really enjoyed being busy this week and although I have had an awareness that I have been solo on my adventures and even more aware that I am solo when the adventures are done for the day.  I have felt pretty good about it all.
Something hit me yesterday at work.  Was it because I was escaping a mild wave of stress at work?  Had I just reached a speed bump in my "I'm fine" DNA?  I started thinking about his hand.  Then his arm, and chest and shoulder.  His warmth and his sweet words. I missed him.
We have been talking almost every day--I actually missed a few due to getting home so late.  I am really happy for him on his trip and I know that this is an amazing experience for his career.  I also know it is not the right thing for me to take off and be with him right now.
I realized it is okay for me to have another truth.  I can miss him. I don't have to run from that feeling with busy-ness or rationalizing it away.

As I am writing this I think of my parents, John and Marlene.  John left twice on Active Duty.  Once to Desert Storm and once to Haiti.  I had already left home for college.  David was still home with our mom.  I wonder how long he was gone.

Week One

My grumpy cat is being a big sweetie snuggling up against my leg with a sleepy purr on this rainy Sunday morning.


Check out my Self Care Focus Wheel:

Not to be confused with a pie chart, this is simply a tool I use to remember areas that are important for me emphasize in efforts to avoid feeling down in the dumps when Rick is gone and the rain takes over.

Here are a few examples of how I have used it this week.

Monday after work I was invited over to a friends house for dinner.

+connection (sweet one on one conversations with friend and dinner with her family)

+food (amazing Lebanese style smorgasbord, totally gluten free)

+projects (she passed along a pattern for a cooking mitt, a project I started at her house and never finished)

+exercise (biked to and from)

Tuesday after work I went to contact improv dance class

+exercise (dance and bike)

+connection (went with friend from work and dance community)

Every night since Rick left a week ago I have found myself attending events that have me dancing in the connection and exercise areas of this focus wheel.  I have enjoyed the late summer warmth in combination with the full moon and biked home late every night.  I have spent time with great friends, seen great theater, gone to dance class.  Since Rick has been gone, I have been having a lot of fun.

There are, however, some areas of the focus wheel I have neglected.  I am playing catch up in the down time, logistics, and projects areas.

I really let the house go after he left. I think it started with my shoes. An innocent thought, "I can just leave these here."  In one week, turned my home into complete chaos.  Dishes, clothing, keys.  None of them in their appropriate spot.  I don't mind a catch up day on the weekend, like today, but if I am really going to tackle all the projects I will need to stay on top of it so I can spend my weekend in that area of the focus wheel.  Last week's chaos slipped in to my hygiene routine.  I went two days without brushing my teeth. (what?) 

On His Way

What's worse than waking up to a grumpy cat?  

                                                           Waking up to a grumpy cat with no husband.

This is the riddle I came up with first thing this morning.  I didn't stump Rick for a second.  

We have been planning for this day for several months.  I tried to capture some of his departing moments with a few photos.

We are laughing because taking photos of ourselves, by ourselves is difficult.  This is the second take,  the first one was, well, worse.

Rick is officially on the road. 

  About two years ago he quit his day job as a mechanical engineer to become a full time storyteller.  He had some success locally touring libraries in the summers, but winters were slow.  This last winter was slower-- which gave him some good time to connect with a couple of agents.  He signed a contract with an agent to do a tour of grade schools all over the US for eight months, the entire school year.  He calls it the Wall-Mart of children's entertainment: high volume, low cost.  So he is not making the big bucks, but it's not bad.   It's also a great opportunity to get going on his 10,000 hours (Malcolm Gladwell) and get himself out there. 

  So this is excellent.  Super excellent for Rick's career.  What will be interesting is how this affects our relationship.  That makes it sound like our marriage is on the chopping block.  It's not.  Rick and I got married just over a year ago.  I always knew that he was working on developing his career. As timing would have it, about 5 months ago I got my self a job, 40 hours in an office downtown.  This means unless I quit, I am not going with him.  Eventually my job could offer some flexibility and I could work remotely (more on that later).  For now, its time to ramp up the self care, as I like to say, and hope that our "face time" will finally work on our iphones.  

  He will be passing through Portland in about 3 weeks anyway.

First Post

Rick is packing.  He just asked me to book him some hotels for the first week of his trip.  The RV/40ft long bus needs its clutch rebuilt.  Replacements are not available for a 1960's Greyhound. It won't be ready by tomorrow morning so he is taking my Jetta and staying in hotels for now.